Patheticology

Part of Ondine

Sat, 05 Apr 2008 15:41:23 GMT

Last night I had the strangest dream. I dreamed I killed you again. Don't make me kill you again, 'cause I couldn't bear to kill you again.

Whachoo Got For Me Honey?

Sun, 30 Mar 2008 20:55:41 GMT

I buried my favorite this past week. She was seventy-seven. No more spanking and being called "crazy" by a bi-polar schizophrenic. I had to go above and beyond job duties and do things for the funeral, including picking out the corpse's clothing, pick up personal effects, drop off said things, speak at the funeral, and be a pallbearer. You hear me Square!? I want a medal! You still owe for the hemorrhoid!

My grandmother fell and broke her leg. Whoopee! Rob has had a great week!

Alex and I attempted to go to my first wet t-shirt contest. The jackass DJ decided it would be a good idea to continually push back the start time while playing mostly shitty music. We left before it started. In the time it should have started and when we left, I could have talked 5 women into showing me their tits or convinced one of them to come home with me.

I hate having emotions. For every love-there is a hate. For every joy-there is a despair.

On the plus side: I still love Jonathan Coulton.

There's No Such Thing as Afro

Tue, 11 Mar 2008 18:59:45 GMT

I think there is a fish in my colostomy bag...

There Once Was a Minion

Fri, 29 Feb 2008 21:45:44 GMT

So I finally recieved my professionally done literary critique of my poetry. I think that s/he was very confused. I kept getting the phrase "I don't understand...". On one hand, I like the fact that the Literary Critic does not understand (nor pretends to have some sort of grandiose meaning of my work), but I feel a little jaded that I paid a good chunk of cash for someone to say what ya'll have been saying for years.

The Manchurian Orange

Fri, 22 Feb 2008 20:03:22 GMT

I get to plan a trivia night fundraiser. Fuck you!

In the near future, I get to have a literary agent to take my money. Fuck you!

Why I am no longer allowed to speak during meetings:

Wed, 13 Feb 2008 01:43:55 GMT

[In reference of gift baskets for our pet picture fundraiser]

Mark: We can get gift certificates for vet services...

Rob: Yeah. Coupons for euthanasia.

[Stunned silence]

It's a One Woman Show (Without the Woman)

Tue, 05 Feb 2008 15:29:01 GMT

Now that I have a semi-regular internet connection, I again have discovered the joys of new music. Here are some things I found that I had previously lack experience it(to bad no one will care except Alex and Other Rob [and Alex has already sampled most these]).

Charles Manson-Basic folk music with interesting lyrics.

The Shaggs-Worst album ever. That says a lot since you know what I listen to.

Jonathan Coulton-A folk-pop singer who uses very quirky lyrics. Best known for writing a song a week and releasing a box set of albums.

Kelly-Shoes. All that needs to be said.

Pantera-Music for the angry. To bad they wasted their formative years playing hair.

Lucifer's Friend-Makes me taste Jesus.

Wolfmother-Saviors of rock. And that one dude has an afro.

Of course I have bunches of new stuff from Buckethead, Rush, John Lennon, Ween, etc., but this other stuff is new to me.

You Can't Parody a Parody

Sun, 27 Jan 2008 15:27:01 GMT

The movie American Psycho gets me pumped.

I think it would be mildly humorous if someone yelled out a window at a person on the street a la A Christmas Carol "You there boy! [Irregardless if it were a male or female] What day is it? There's still time! Go get me the biggest goose you can find." Instead of throwing money, the "Scrooge" would shoot the person.

Idle Hands

Wed, 23 Jan 2008 01:09:24 GMT

Heath Ledger died. He evidently saw his portrayal in A Knight's Tale. Too soon? I don't think so. Though I'm saddened because he was supposed to be the best Joker ever. A suicidal sociopath? That's something I can sink my teeth into. Pity.

Several people I know have started using various prescription mind-altering medication. Mind you, for legit reasons. It kinda makes me wonder what I would get diagnosed with and prescribed with. Personally, I'd shoot for a light bi-polar with Abilify icing. Maybe more, maybe less, but I have you know I've been voted most likely to shoot up the Square!

Cereal Thriller

Thu, 10 Jan 2008 14:23:16 GMT

In a span of four days I made two people cry. Interestingly, for once the crying wasn't work related. Fuckin' clown.

Severed Over the Rainbow.

Mon, 07 Jan 2008 14:52:14 GMT

Ya know, when drunk, I don't really notice girls hitting on me...

I spent yesterday alone in my apartment, thinking. This is a new phase in my life, and while not being totally content with myself in the old phase, I decided to shed my skin again. So when I wasn't thinking, I started meditating on what it is I wanted to be. Taking inspiration from the Joker (albeit with hopefully less homicidal tendencies) I am going for the The Clown at Midnight. In theory, taking the phychoticism of my college days and mixing it with a dash of Subgenii and grittiness. Unfortunately before I get to that stage officially, I need to clean out my closet. Be prepared to receive messages if I have any personal "coats" for you. Conversely, feel free to send questions my way if you feel that I have ever withheld information that you want.

Dusk is upon us...

There are no database maintenences.

Sun, 30 Dec 2007 15:51:03 GMT

Moving out is like moving to college, except that everybody's dead.

Your Mother is a Secretary. I Have to Pee.

Mon, 24 Dec 2007 00:40:52 GMT

Somehow I found an apartment in Galesburg. I move Thursay. A new batch of innocents will be slaughtered to celebrate my arrival.

Raver

Sun, 02 Dec 2007 21:46:13 GMT

For those of you not in the know, I am officially an uncle. Adam Paul Lewis Kamerer was born last Wednesday. For some odd reaso, I am allowed to hold the baby.

Nothing Like a Little Plague

Thu, 22 Nov 2007 22:11:35 GMT

It's time for everyone to share their most revolting, horrible thoughts that makes you a bad person. I'll start this party with two anecdotes:

1. I was driving to Galesburg from home a few years ago and just passed through Victoria. I was coming upon the 4-H fence when I noticed a group painting the fence spread out about a person per six feet. In the center was a girl of about six. I thought to myself as I was driving by, "Gee. I bet I could hit her without hitting the people she's next to."

2. During senior year at Knox, the big news for a week was that a student was killed in an accident on the way back from Winter Break. Myself and the usual crew were discussing the matter when I blurted out, "I wanna be Facebook friends with her!"

Cap'm

Wed, 21 Nov 2007 16:39:42 GMT

You say it's all a joke, but I don't see you laughing.

Some Garamond

Fri, 09 Nov 2007 22:18:44 GMT

The ladder can take you to the sky...

Charged

Fri, 02 Nov 2007 15:24:33 GMT

That severed head in the room next door is always screaming. Just lying on the side of her face and screaming.

Itching for 39 Years

Thu, 18 Oct 2007 13:41:31 GMT

Here's my schedule for Knox Homecoming:

Friday: 7-9p: Fechnerfest

The rest of the time I am free, so you bits give me call if youse want to hang.

Keep on Rockin' the Free World

Fri, 05 Oct 2007 23:42:45 GMT

One of the perks of being the only male in an all female office is that on your birthday, you can recieve a birthay cake with the inscription: Happy Birthday Stud.

Two Poems

Thu, 20 Sep 2007 14:44:42 GMT

You will heal those-
stretchmarks to look-
-sexy for your
Messiah

Recipe for Life

God is nothing but a peanut
the universe a bagel
with cream man heaps upon
life is like cinnamon
and danger-peppermint schnapps

Fred Thompson's Treasure

Wed, 12 Sep 2007 15:18:14 GMT

I'ma gonna gets me some hot Mormon action. Yeah! Oooooooooooooooooh!

Journey

Fri, 31 Aug 2007 00:47:56 GMT

You sheave the condom me
when I am not around
little penguin

The Sweater of Tears

Sun, 19 Aug 2007 21:04:15 GMT

I love you whores!

Indiginous Media

Fri, 17 Aug 2007 15:23:45 GMT

I still find it mildly humorous that if you do a hardcore search of Myspace, people list me as a hero. Those people are going to Hell. That includes you, Marc.